


My Demons (Starset)

by JadenKorr



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety | Panic attacks, Comfort/Angst, Gen, mental struggles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-07
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-07-27 11:00:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16217654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JadenKorr/pseuds/JadenKorr
Summary: Stories of Virgil's personal struggle based on Starset's song, "My Demons".





	1. This Ship is Slowly Sinking

**Author's Note:**

> If you haven't heard "My Demons" before, I HIGHLY recommend either listening to it beforehand or as you are reading. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LSvOTw8UH6s) I love this song and thought it very fitting for Virgil. This is a very new style of writing for me, and I wanted to try it out, so comments/corrections are much appreciated!!

**_Mayday! Mayday!  
The ship is slowly sinking_ **

Virgil stumbles into his room. The ground shifts under him as the room spins. His hoodie is too tight, but not tight enough. The room is blinding and dark all at once. White noise swarms his head and fills his veins. An invisible force closes around his chest. The darkness closes around his vision as shadows envelope him.

_**They think I'm crazy but they don't know the feeling** _  
_**They're all around me,** _  
_**Circling like vultures** _

A million thoughts swirl through his head, far too fast to process, and yet he understands every single one, all of them screaming blood-curling howls of fears and nightmares he dreads will become reality. He pulls at his hair, but feels no pain. He screams silently as the static in his ears roars.

**_They wanna break me and wash away my colors  
Wash away my colors_ **

Everything becomes numb to the screams. The darkness overwhelms his sight. Delirium overcomes him as all sense of direction vanishes and nowhere is down nor up. He feels himself losing the uphill battle, and for the briefest of moments, he considers giving in.

**_Take me high and I'll sing  
Oh you make everything okay_ **

Something taps his arm. Slowly, gently. Constant and rhythmic. The darkness fades ever so slightly. The roaring subsides. A figure hovers closely.

**_We are one in the same  
Oh you take all of the pain away_ **

Virgil catches a glimpse of a pair of glasses and the ever present tie. Logan. Virgil clings to that name, silently begging it to bring him back. Logan is speaking softly. The words, Virgil cannot make out, but he listens intently, feeling the calming voice bringing him back to his senses as though he were just pulled out of a frozen lake.

**_Save me if I become  
My demons_ **

Virgil, eventually, finally, feels his lungs expand. The rush of oxygen revives him and he blinks away the darkness. The static vanishes and the screams are reduced to whispers. He sees the relief in the eyes of his friend and the whispers fade completely. The two sit together in peaceful silence until Virgil is ready. Then he moves, standing with the help of his logical counterpart, and they leave together, knowing this will not be the last time this happens, but it will certainly be the last time Virgil is alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was part one of three stories I will tell using the different sections of the song. Next will be Patton! Helping Virgil with... fighting corruption, maybe? I have a few ideas, but I'm not entirely sure about Roman's and Patton's stories yet, so if you have any ideas, please share!! I want to spit these out pretty fast, so if I don't get anything, I'll go ahead and get Patton's out within the next few days. Hope you enjoyed!


	2. Taking Over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I drew this one out a bit more, but I had some things I really wanted to get in there and I didn't want to do exactly the same style of writing for this one as I did with chapter one. So here it is, in all of it's unrefined glory. Hope you enjoy. :)

_**I cannot stop this sickness taking over**_  
Virgil clutched his head as he resisted the voices inside that fought to control him.  
 _Weak. Foolish. Powerless. You could be so much more, if you just let us free._  
"Shut up!" Virgil shouted at himself from inside his room. Shadows swirled around him.

_**It takes control and drags me into nowhere**_  
A knock startled Virgil, but only delayed the voices for a second. "Kiddo? Do you need anything?"  
Patton. _Morality. Kill him._ "NO!" The shadows shot out in every direction like tendrils bashing whatever they touched before returning to bombard their owner.  
Patton's voice tremored. "O-okay, if you're sure."

_**I need your help I can't fight this forever**_  
"Patton, wait!" _Stop_. "I-I need help." _Pathetic_. _You don't need him!_ "P-please." _WEAKLING!_  
The door was open before Virgil could even think and Patton was right in front of him.  
"I gotcha, Virgil. It's okay." Patton rubbed his shoulders gently before embracing him in a warm hug.

_**I know you're watching, I can feel you out there**_  
Virgil moved to hug him back, but Patton stiffened at the touch. "Pat?" Virgil drew back to see the moral side's eyes wide with fear as shadows curled around his throat.  
"No!" _Yes_. "STOP!" _Let him feel the embrace of fear. Let him know the true meaning of **Terror**._  
Virgil looked at Patton hopelessly, but despite fear reflecting in his eyes, Patton smiled. "I love you, kiddo. Always have. Always will."

_**Take me high and I'll sing**_  
Virgil's eyes flew open and he gasped for air, throat and lungs burning as though he had inhaled fire.  
"Hey, hey. Shh, it's over, it's over." Virgil knew the soft tone anywhere. Patton sat behind him, rubbing circles on his back now.  
Virgil fought to keep his tears from falling. "Pat, I'm so sorry."

_**Oh you make everything okay (okay, okay)**_  
"Hey now, none of that." Patton tried but Virgil kept going.  
"Terror got control of me, he took over and I tried to fight but I couldn't and I hurt you and-"  
Patton hugged him from behind.

_**We are one and the same** _  
Virgil took a deep, shuddering breath. "Sorry I woke you."  
"It's okay. You know you're old man sleeps with the door open just in case any of his kiddos need help."  
He could practically feel Patton smiling. He turned around to face him and-

_**Oh you take all of the pain away (away, away)**_  
And gasped at the bruises on his neck. "Patton-" Virgil backed away subconsciously.   
Patton gently reached out and held Virgil's wrists. "Don't worry about it."  
Virgil scoffed in horror and guilt at Patton's words. "'Worry about it'?!?! Patton, I _did_ that to you!!"

_**Save me if I become**_  
"No." Patton became surprisingly serious. "My son would never hurt me on purpose. You were asleep, you had a night terror, it was an accident."  
"You sound awfully sure for someone who was just choked." Virgil mumbled.  
"Because I am sure, Virge." Patton held out his hands for a hug.

_**My demons**_  
Virgil couldn't say no and wrapped his arms around him, slumping against him in exhaustion.  
"I love you, Virgil."  
"Love you too, Dad."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so late! First I came down with something, then the internet went out, and many other excuses, but I got it done! I promise the next chapter will be out faster than this one was!


	3. Don't let me go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so just being completely honest, I don't like this chapter. I rewrote probably 2/3 of it and I still couldn't write it in less words or make it sound any better, and I really struggle with writing Roman, but I promised you readers a third chapter, so here it is.  
> Warnings: mentions of blood (I tried to describe it as little as possible, but it's still in there)

**_Take me over the walls below_ **

"Hold on, just hold on!" Virgil cursed at the amount of blood on his hands. It too much. Way too much. Roman was sitting halfway up as he struggled to breathe, the Sai still wedged in his torso after being thrown at him.

"Awe, now isn't this such a sight to behold." Virgil's head snapped up to the owner of the voice and the cause of Roman's pain. Deceit chuckled as he admired his handiwork. "I must say, it's sweet to see you acting like you care, Virgil. Too bad the others won't see it that way."

**_Fly forever_ **

**_Don't let me go_ **

Virgil couldn't even process what Deceit had said before he vanished and Virgil began spiraling. _What did he mean? Will he tell the others? Will they believe him? What will they think? What do I tell them? Do I go after him? I can't leave Roman. What if I leave and he dies? What if I stay and the others think I killed him? What if I try to help and only make it worse? What if-_

"Virgil!" The anxious trait twisted his head towards the scared voice to see Patton and Logan running up to him. They both stopped a few feet away and gaped at the scene in front of them. "Virgil," Patton gasped with tears in his eyes. "What did you do?"

**_I need a savior to heal my pain_ **

Virgil looked between the two at a complete loss for words. Patton held horror in his eyes, while Logan gave him a cold-hearted stare with his icy eyes. For a moment, it seemed the world froze as no one moved. "How could you do this, Virgil?" Logan's calm fury was terrifying. "How could you let this happen?"

"I-I, I didn't- I mean, I tried-" Virgil's breaths suddenly became very shallow.

A hand gripped his arm firmly and Virgil jumped at the sudden contact. "Virgil." Roman gritted out as he grasped him. "They're not real."

**_When I become my worst enemy_ **

**_The enemy_ **

Virgil looked back at the two figures standing there, but Roman drew his attention back. "Virgil, look at me." Virgil looked at him before facing back towards the stares that seem to go right through him. "No." Roman squeezed his arm slightly. "Look at _me_."

Virgil's head swiveled back around to Roman. "They're not real. That's not Patton and Logan. They would never do this to you. They would never say those things to you. Because they care about you. We all do. And no one- not even Deceit and his poor attempts- is going to change that."

Roman pulled Virgil towards himself as much as he physically could for a hug, and as Virgil returned the embraced Roman smiled at the mirage of the two figures that melted away to reveal a very annoyed snake glaring at him before sinking out behind Virgil's back.

Roman hissed in pain as Virgil pulled back. "Okay." Virgil breathed. "Okay, what do I do? You can't die on me, Roman."

**_Take me high and I'll sing_ **

**_you make everything okay_ **

"Ha! Please, it'd take more than a mere Sai wound to finish off the great Prin-Ah!" He cut himself off with a groan as he tried to make a grand gesture.

Virgil winced at Roman's pain. "Ohhh, there's more blood. That-that's a lot of blood. What do I do? Do I take it out? I can't stitch that up-"

"No need." Roman cut him off quickly before he could scare himself again. "Get me out of the imagination, and it'll heal on its own." Virgil nodded and helped Roman to his feet.

**_We are one and the same_ **

**_you take all of the pain away_ **

Virgil stumbled into Roman's room with said prince leaning heavily on his left arm. He sat Roman on his bed before dropping to the floor next to him. Virgil winced at the noise of Roman pulling the Sai out, but smiled down at Virgil as he made the weapon vanish with a flourish. “See? Nothing to worry about,Virge.”

Virgil breathed. “Right.” He tried not to flinch as the memory of fake Logan and Patton popped back into his brain.  _ Why did I believe that? I let Deceit get to me so easily, I almost let Roman die because I nearly had a panic attack over nothing and- _

**_Take me high and I'll sing_ **

**_Oh you make everything okay (okay, okay)_ **

A sharp but urgent knock zapped him out of his thoughts. “Roman? Virgil?” Logan called. “Patton’s worried that-” 

“Kiddos, is anyone hurt? Let me in, please. I can help!”

Roman chuckled and opened the door with a wave of his hand.

**_We are one and the same_ **

**_Oh you take all of the pain away (away, away)_ **

Patton burst into the room in full parent mode and rushed to the other side of the bed where the two sat. He gasped at the blood remaining on Virgil’s hands and Roman’s torso. “Oh my goodness!”

Logan followed, albeit slower and more calmly, and stared at them with his ever observant gaze. “I will retrieve the first aid kit if-”

“No need, Specs.” Roman waved a dismissive hand in his direction. “I’m already healing faster than anything the kit can do, and Virgil’s not hurt- at least not physically.” He glanced down at Virgil, then at Patton, who picked up on the hint and slowly knelt in front of the darker side.

**_Save me if I become_ **

**_My demons_ **

“Hey, kiddo? You doing okay?” Virgil nodded stiffly. Patton hesitated. “It’s okay if you’re not…”

Virgil took a deep, shaky breath. “I’m- I’m fine, Patton. I just wasn’t prepared to handle seeing that much blood. I thought Roman was going to die and then Deceit…”

“Hey,” Patton rubbed his arm. “We’re here for you. All of us.” Roman nodded from above him and put a hand on his shoulder. Logan slowly sat down on his other side and tentatively put a hand over his own.

**_Take me high and I'll sing_ **

**_Oh you make everything okay (okay, okay)_ **

Virgil took a deep breath. This one much more steady. 

“Thanks, guys.” 

They would be there for him. No matter what. They’d do anything.

**_We are one and the same_ **

**_Oh you take all of the pain away (away, away)_ **

To make him feel safe.

To make him feel loved.

To make him feel included.

**_Save me if I become_ **

**_My demons_ **

And the feeling was definitely mutual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking around to the end!!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!! Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
